2008 Through a Crystal Ball

It is foolhardy to forecast what will happen in the coming year amid the holiday frenzy. Now that the confetti has been recycled, hangovers are forgotten and resolutions are history, it’s time for a considered view of 2008.

Here are four predictions you can take to the bank, and one you can’t.

1)   We will hear a rumor that says Wolfgang Bernhard is in line to lead would-be electric-car maker Tesla.

This could happen as early as next week, during the North American International Auto Show in Detroit. It seems every year about this time, someone is preparing to hire (or fire) the mercurial product guru.

In 2005, after displaying a steady hand at Chrysler, Bernhard was spurned by the old guard at Mercedes-Benz. But he landed on his feet as CEO of Volkswagen AG’s core brand.

This time last year, he was on the move again, having come out (predictably) on the losing end of a power struggle involving Volkswagen Chairman Ferdinand Piech.

There followed some buzz that Bernhard would sign on with General Motors. Instead, he wound up as an advisor to Cerberus as the private-equity fund prepared to acquire Chrysler.

Now, all is quiet. Too quiet.

2)   Avid duffer and GM sales chief Mark LaNeve will leave the auto maker and parlay his relationship with Buick endorser Tiger Woods into a luxury golf resort. Ex-Merrill Lynch boss Stanley O’Neal will be operations manager.

It’s a perfect fit. Think about it.

LaNeve is passionate about golf, and so is O’Neal. You have to admire the cheekiness of a CEO who reportedly played three rounds of golf in one day, on different courses, while the sub-prime mortgage crisis was melting his company’s stock price.

Kudos to sleuths who confirmed O’Neal’s truancy by scanning a U.S. Golf Assn. website. (Note to self: Never sign a scorecard on a weekday.)

Meanwhile, Woods brings the wherewithal to bankroll the venture. But if he needs a loan, he can see O’Neal, whose retained stock awards and benefits from Merrill Lynch were valued at $161.5 million.

3)   The fiery temperament of former Metaldyne Chairman Tim Leuliette is explained after George Mitchell convenes an investigation of steroid use in the Original Equipment Suppliers Assn.

It’s an open secret in supplier circles. Like Olympic-caliber sprinters who seek advantages in the face of high-stakes competition, supplier executives are compelled to bulk up to absorb the daily drubbings from OEM purchasing bosses.

Need proof? Hair loss is a side-effect of steroid use. Mark Hogan had a moustache when he was at GM but not during his tenure with Magna.
And is it a coincidence that Hogan left the mega-supplier before Mitchell could start his probe? You tell me.

4)   Tata Motors will acquire Jaguar, steal Stephen O’Dell from Ford of Europe and introduce a 3-wheeled sports car called the New Dell E-Type.

Watch for the spy shots.

5)   The Democrats will win the White House and hold the energy and agriculture sectors to the same level of greenhouse-gas responsibility reserved now for the auto industry.

(Hint: This one is the joke.)